Deep, Dark Water
by Rogue Fox
Summary: Updated Kurogane attempts to comfort a distraught Fai from nightmares, and is rewarded for his efforts with Fai's trust, love, and passion... shonenai, yaoi
1. Deep, Dark Water

Dark Waters

By: Rogue Fox

A/N: If you are under eighteen, no reading. Bad for you mind. Take it from me. I know. Anyway, I don't own Tsubasa characters, although I love them rather obsessively… it's quite creepy. Very mature content, ladies and gentlemen, just so you know. Yaoi, shonen-ai, and lots of it, and you have been warned. No like, no read, simple as that. But if you do like, read on, friends, and enjoy, and please review, because this is my first rated M fic, so tell me how I did.

It was a nice world, Fai was sure of that. He just hadn't seen it yet. Instead, he had oh-so nobly volunteered to mind the house. Which was naturally followed by making dinner. And then he got bored and decided to clean. Now, he was just bored.

The worst part of this whole situation was that Kurogane had discovered Fai's stash of hard liquor and Fai had been forced to watch helplessly and that meanie poured it down the drain with an unsympathetic glare, after which he was told that "drinking is bad for your health." Fai's natural course of action was to whine and beg and generally annoy the ninja until he eventual caved and brought Fai alcohol. It had always worked before, and Kuro-rin would tell him that he could get drunk, but only if Fai consented beforehand that Kuro-pi could sit with him the whole time and hopefully prevent anything very terrible from happening. Fai guessed that the ninja was so cautious because he was aware that Fai was a magician. Fai had already picked on an intense distrust of magic from the ninja, and supposed poor Kuro-chan was wary of Fai loosing control of his magic in his drunken stupor and killing something… or someone. Thankfully, Fai considered himself blessed with iron-clad self-control. Even drunk, he maintained his power perfectly. Granted, he usually took to meowing and telling naughty jokes while drunk, but he never used his magic, and in Fai's own book, that most certainly counted for something. The one thing that ever did test Fai's control was boredom, and he most certainly was bored. Being bored meant not being occupied, and bad things happened when Fai wasn't occupied. It had been so when he was small, and it was still so in his adulthood. Although, now, "bad things" only amounted to memories and depression and occasional suicide attempts, not a betting pool to see how big a crater he actually could make…

Fai sighed and focused on the clock. It was only five minutes after he'd last looked. Fai narrowed his eyes at the clock and quickly felt for an aura, wondering if perhaps someone had slowed time. But no… Fai sighed again. That, at least, would have given him something to do.

" Fai D. Flowright, you have the worst luck." Fai told himself. " Ever." He added, for effect. " They should be back soon. Any minute now. They were just going to get the lay of the land." Actually, Kurogane had wanted to get the lay of the land. Sakura-chan was just plain curious, and Syaoran-kun wasn't letting her go off unattended. That girl had a talent for just wandering into situations of all sorts, and the end result was a very frazzled Syaoran-kun, trying to keep tabs on his beloved princess and whatever fights he was fighting on her behalf. They were cute, Sakura-chan and Syaoran-kun. Sakura-chan's big wide eyes and the way Syaoran-kun always had her on his left or kept his left side turned to her, so that he could keep a good eye on her. He loved her, truly, fully, and eternally, no matter what the cost was. Fai had never been able to fully shake a slight feeling of envy to cute Sakura-chan, who had Syaoran-kun's heart, faithful and devoted and protective and loving and gentle. He held her so delicately, so gently, and more and more she leaned into his touch, in those rare moments when the two of them stood close. Syaoran-kun's eyes would close halfway, and he would look like someone lost in the dark, desperately casting about for light. And just for one moment, the roles would switch, and Syaoran-kun would bow his head and let Sakura-chan be the strength and the guide. Fai envied them both that security, even if Sakura-chan didn't quite understand it. Fai had once had that feeling of love, and he had been denied it. He regretted nothing. He'd had no choice in it, but he still regretted nothing. Fai understood that there come moments in one's life where one must do a certain thing because it is the right thing, not because one wants to do it. And even though it hurt more than Fai had words to express, Fai understood then and now that he had to do what he had to do, and so he regretted nothing. Countless lives had been spared at the cost of his own heart, and Fai felt it was a fair price, just as Syaoran-kun felt that his relationship with Sakura-chan was a fair price for her life. But even so, he was left with a horrible feeling of emptiness. He wanted something, someone, to fill the void in him, and he didn't know what or who could.

Fai also understood that this was why Kurogane simply couldn't tolerate him. Fai had long ago lost the will to propel his own actions. He was the type of person who rode life like a kid rides a river in an inner tube, lazily floating along with no real destination in mind. He had never had much ambition in life, even as a child. He had always allowed someone else to make the decisions, and he'd simply gone with it. As a young adult, this trait made him particularly susceptible to his own fate, and the trait was intensified to an almost complete lack of independent will through conditioning. Even now, contemplating and comprehending what had been done to him, Fai was unable to summon the will or drive to go after what he wanted. All he could make himself do of his own free will was smile like a blooming idiot, drink like a sailor, and make up new ways to annoy Kuro-pin. The last was an interesting development. The last time Fai had been so driven to interact with someone in any way, he'd wound up sealing them away, hopefully for eternity. And yet, Fai felt another force directing his actions and he unwittingly followed, not unpleased by it. Being near Kuro-puu was like putting salve on a burn wound. It wasn't just distracting from the pain… It was healing. The healing in itself was painful, but just the feeling that it had begun at all gave Fai a sense of hope and opportunity he hadn't experienced in years.

Just then, the door slammed open and Kurogane stormed in, slamming the door again behind him.

" Welcome home, Kuro-woof." Fai said, quickly slapping a stupid grin on his face as Kuro-chan slapped a glare on his own with equal speed.

" The Princess and the brat are off doing something stupid." He announced with the usual animosity that Fai could never quite believe. It always came with a feeling of affection just beneath the surface. Fai leaned back in his seat and cocked an eyebrow at Kuro-rin, waiting. Could it be that Kurogane wasn't going to scold him for the stupid nicknames? " And will you ever stop with those idiotic nicknames?" Ah, thought too soon.

" Maybe." Fai drawled slowly, watching Kuro-puu glower at him dangerously.

" One of these days…" Kuro-pipi swore. Fai felt something rise in his chest.

" One of these days what? You'll kill me?" he asked, and even as the words left his mouth, he was wondering why he was saying them. Kurogane turned back to him with an unreadable expression.

" Could I? Could I kill you, even if I wanted to?" he asked. The way he said it, Fai thought, it sounded almost like he was asking for permission, but Fai knew he was asking if it was possible. If Kurogane was strong enough. Fai wondered how to tell the ninja that men far stronger had attempted to take Fai D. Flowright's life, and none had succeeded. The strongest had been sealed away, possibly for eternity. " I couldn't, could I?" Kurogane asked, looking like he couldn't decide how to feel about that. " Stronger men than me have met you in battle, and now you're here and they're not. Am I right?" Fai smiled blindly at Kurogane's strange expression, for lack of any other reaction. " If you'd even defend yourself. That's why I won't. I won't try to kill you, just because you wouldn't defend yourself. You'd run like a frightened rabbit with that stupid smile on your face until I cornered you, then you'd just smile and wait to die. You… I don't understand you."

" I understand you just fine." Fai said, still smiling. Kuro-pin smiled suddenly, a strange brightening on his face.

" Really? That's good. I'm glad someone does. Sometimes I don't understand myself. Is that bad?" he asked.

" Maybe. I don't understand myself either, most of the time." Fai confessed.

" The brilliant mage doesn't understand something?" Kuro-chan teased.

" It's a highly unusual event, Kuro-puu, so don't get used to it." Fai teased back. " When do you suppose Sakura-chan and Syaoran-kun will be back? I made dinner, and if then they'll be a while, then I'll have to put it in the cold box to keep it good for them."

" Cold box?" Kuro-woof repeated questioningly.

" Uh-huh. Look!" Fai shot to his feet and grabbed Kuro-puu's hand and led him into the kitchen. There, he swung the door of the "cold box" open and had Kuro-chan feel.

" Is it magic?" Kuro-rin asked, pulling his hand back out quickly.

" No. We had them in Celes, too, but we kept them cold by putting ice in a space underneath. I can't find where they keep the ice in this one. There's some ice in the top, where it's colder, but that's in little pieces, and it wouldn't keep much cold. I think it's some kind of machine… But I don't know how it works. I wonder if Syaoran-kun knows… He always knows the most interesting things." Fai said, watching in mild amusement as Kuro-pi stuck his head into the box.

" And what's it for? I mean, who needs a box that stays cold on the inside?" he asked.

" It's quite useful. You can keep your food cold so that it doesn't go bad as quickly. So then you don't have to buy food as often. And in some economies, buying in bulk is cheaper." Fai explained. Kuro-chan nodded and pulled his head out, closing the box.

" And have you figured out the black box?" he asked, gesturing to the big black box in front of the couch. It had come with the house, and no one had been able to figure out its purpose. Fai shook his head.

" There are buttons on it, but I can't read the words under it, and I'm a little wary of just pushing buttons at random." Fai said.

" Funny. You never were before. You usually just push whatever you want." Kurogane noted. Fai just smiled, but in his mind he knew it was only because he felt safer when Kurogane, always alert and on guard, was around. If something went wrong, Kurogane would be able to correct it. It was irrational, but to a mind that had only been able to process information like a machine until just recently, irrationality was very comforting. " You look different." Kurogane noted suddenly. Fai looked up at him, a look of question on his face. " Your eyes. Before, it was like when you smiled, only the bottom part of your face did it. Just your lips and cheeks. Not your eyes. Just now, when you smiled, it was like your eyes were smiling too." Kurogane looked away, with a small taint of redness on his cheeks… could that have been a blush? " It's nice. You don't look so sad."

" Aw, Kuro-rin, I didn't know you cared!" Fai exclaimed, desperate to lighten the suddenly tense mood. Desperate to steer himself and Kurogane away from the dark waters they were moving into… waters that he wasn't sure he was strong enough for yet. And yet, as he spoke, Kurogane looked at him sharply, and the intensity of his gaze, not a glare but a soft gaze, made Fai drop all his masks and acts and pretenses like a man burned. It startled the smile right off his face, and left him looking up at Kurogane, feeling stark naked and vulnerable.

" Why do you look scared?" Kurogane asked, stepped close and snaking his arms around Fai's waist. Fai both relished and dreaded the contact and the shivers that followed.

" Because…" Fai started, but was unable to finish. Kurogane pulled him close and dropped his head into the crook between Fai's neck and shoulder. Fai, in response, lifted his arms and gripped the shirt covering Kurogane's back.

" Because why?" Kurogane pursued gently.

" I don't know how to tell you." Fai admitted.

" But you will?" Kurogane still wasn't letting up.

" As soon as I can." Fai responded, hoping fervently that Kurogane wouldn't make him promise. He wasn't sure why; he fully intended to do as Kurogane wished, not out of obedience, but out of desire to please. And suddenly, the thought of pleasure was very, very inticing. Kurogane began to kiss Fai's neck.

" You smell nice." Kurogane whispered. Fai almost laughed, but then Kurogane bit him, not very hard but hard enough to earn a gasp. " Make that noise again." Kurogane demanded.

" Bite me like that again, and I will." Fai countered and was answered almost immediately by a similar nip. Fai gasped again and Kurogane made a deep, low noise in the back of his throat that was more like a purr than a growl, a noise that left Fai feeling like putty in the ninja's hands, and very happy about it. Kurogane had begun sucking gently on the red spot on Fai's neck, and Fai mewled pleadingly. What he wanted, he wasn't sure, but he was confident that Kurogane would give it to him. Kurogane backed him roughly against the kitchen wall and slowly began to kiss his way up Fai's neck, over his jaw and finally, resting on his lips. The kiss was gentle and chaste at first, but Kurogane was an impatient man, and quickly forced his way into Fai's mouth, winning dominance quickly. Fai kissed back meekly as Kurogane explored his mouth. Even in this, this pleasure he had wanted, Fai found himself unable to summon the will to lead. He followed Kurogane, who was more than happy to assume dominance. However, more demanding problems assumed Fai's attention. Firstly, Kurogane was growing bored just kissing, and was began to move his hands around, slowly slipping around Fai's front and up his chest, then back down, then back around, up the back, then down, and finally resting on Fai's rear, a shocking sensation that Fai would have gasped at, but his tongue was far too busy to be distracted by something so trivial. Secondly, Fai's knees were rapidly weakening. He was sure they'd give out any moment now. He felt his knees buckle and felt himself slide down the wall, but Kurogane's grip on his bottom tightened and Fai opened his eyes and watched in awe as Kurogane's arm muscles flexed and tightened, as felt himself being hoisted up. He instinctively wrapped his legs around Kurogane's waist as Kurogane placed one knee on the wall behind Fai, braced both their bodies against it, and pulled Fai as close as he could come. This new position brought on a barrage of sensations, the most demanding one from Fai's crotch area, which was so incredible that he broke off the kiss and stared at Kurogane in shock. Kurogane was gasping and watching Fai, and Fai noticed the thin film of sweat on the ninja's features, the burning fire in his eyes, and his pulse pounding in his neck. Fai lunged back at the ninja, gripping him behind the neck and kissing him with as much force as he could muster, and Kurogane made a pleased noise and kissed him back. Fai's mind seemed to move in slow motion. I wonder, he thought slowly, what would happen if I moved my hips… The thought then occurred to him to actually try it. When he did, sparks shot up and down his body and he felt himself harden even more than he already was. Kurogane responded to this new development eagerly, gasping through his kisses deliciously. Fai moved his hips again, this time answered by Kurogane, who bucked his own hips in tandem. It was frantic and totally without rhythm, but it felt so good… And Fai was getting better and better at it. More and more he was striking gold, brushing his own erection with Kurogane's, and Kurogane seemed to be enjoying it as much as he was. However, their pleasure was short lived, for at just that moment, the front door slammed open.

" We're home!" Sakura-chan's chipper voice sounded, and Kurogane backed up suddenly. Unfortunately, Fai was rendered completely immobile by this change of circumstances, and was thus completely unprepared for Kurogane's movement. The end result was Fai on his butt on the floor and Kurogane staring at him in a mixture of horror and embarrassment and concern, both of them blushing madly as the two young ones entered the house.

" Something smells good. Did you cook, Fai-san? You didn't have to." Syaoran said, stepping into the kitchen. " Fai-san, what's wrong?"

" Why are you on the floor, Fai-san? Did you fall? Are you hurt?" Sakura-chan asked, stepping past Syaoran-kun to go to Fai's side.

" Uh, he did fall." Kurogane said, being the first to gain the ability of speech back. Fai envied him that for a moment.

" I felt dizzy all of the sudden, and I lost my balance and fell." He said, offering the two children a smile of reassurance. " But I'm alright."

" Have you eaten? Sometimes people get dizzy when they haven't eaten in a while?" Syaoran-kun asked, his dark, serious eyes full of concern. Fai had eaten, in fact, but at this point, lying seemed to be the best course of action and Kurogane was an awful liar.

" No, I haven't eaten. That must be it." Fai said.

" Then let me help you to the couch. Syaoran-kun, would you please get Fai-san some food?" Sakura-chan said, and for a swift moment, the moment when she called him "Syaoran-kun," he looked so sad. But he recovered and nodded, going into the kitchen while Sakura-chan, aided greatly by Kurogane, helped Fai to the couch. Fai could have walked by himself, but he let Sakura-chan help him and tried to ignore the warmth that spread from the spot on his waist where Kurogane's hand rested.

Fai had never been so conscious of the passing of time before. This was even worse than being bored. Now he was anxious and excited and frightened, all at once. He kept meeting Kurogane's eyes, even though he never meant to, and the burning look remained. Fai knew what Kurogane was waiting for, and he knew he was waiting for the same thing. He watched the clock as it slowly, so very slowly, moved past nine o'clock and felt his anticipation heighten, along with the nervousness in his stomach, as Sakura-chan yawned while Kurogane and Syaoran-kun discussed possible feather locations. Syaoran-kun wouldn't go to bed until after Sakura-chan did, no matter what.

" Are you tired, Sakura-chan?" Fai asked, both hoping that Syaoran-kun would insist that she go to bed and that she would insist on staying up. He couldn't decide which.

" Yes. I think I should go to bed. Goodnight, Fai-san, Kurogane-san. Goodnight, Syaoran-kun." Sakura-chan said, waving sleepily. It didn't take Syaoran-kun long to dart after her. His bedroom was on the second floor with her, and Fai's room was on the first floor. Kurogane slept on the couch. Which left the two men sitting in the living room, staring at each other with a mixture of wariness and anticipation. Fai was suddenly overwhelmed by the feeling that he had gone too deep, and that he was drowning now. He knew that if what had started between Kurogane and himself continued, he wouldn't be able to stop it. He knew he wouldn't want to. This water he was drowning in was dark and frightening. All he knew was that if Kurogane came onto him, he would neither be able to or want to stop him.

Just as Fai had known he would, Kurogane stood and came over to the chair Fai was sitting in. He leaned down and pressed his lips to Fai's, gently, softly. Fai found himself longing for the rough, determined way Kurogane had treated him before. Fai kissed him back, but he knew that Kurogane would sense the difference in him.

" You're scared." Kurogane said softly, his lips still brushing Fai's as he spoke.

" Yes." Fai said, not attempting to disguise the truth with a smile. Not now, not with Kurogane, not anymore.

" Of me?" Kurogane asked.

" No." Fai said, still speaking the naked truth.

" But of something." Kurogane said. " You'll still tell me?" he asked.

" Yes." Fai said again.

" Even if I take you?" Kurogane pursued.

" Especially if you take me." Fai said, unable to keep the coy tone from his voice, and yet still not sugar coating the truth.

" Good. I want to know why you're scared, but I also want to take you." Kurogane said.

" You always do want to have your cake and eat it." Fai said.

" If you have cake, why the hell shouldn't you eat it? That's what it's for." Kurogane said crossly, then roughly grabbed Fai by the back of his neck and kissed him, shoving his tongue into Fai's mouth. Fai was ready this time, and grabbed Kurogane's tongue with his teeth, sucking on it with a slow sultriness. Kurogane made a noise of surprise, followed by a more seductive noise of pleasure. In a quick jumble of movements, Kurogane had removed Fai from his chair and pinned him to the couch, kissing him passionately. Fai, in response, picked up where he'd left off, bucking his hips against Kurogane's in a slow rhythm that filled his mind with pleasure and his loins with aching longing. Kurogane broke away from Fai's lips and began to kiss down his neck until he encounted Fai's shirt, a simple white affair called a "tee-shirt."

" This is coming off." Kurogane muttered, tugging angrily at the shirt. Fai soon became worried that the apparel-challenged ninja would rip the shirt, and aided him by pulling it over his head. " Much better." Kurogane purred in satisfaction, nipping gently at Fai's pale skin. Fai gasped in pleasure, marveling how quickly his fear had disappeared. Just the sound of Kurogane's voice and the feel of his scarred, well-muscled body and his rough way of treating Fai, even during foreplay, soothed all the irrational fear that had tied a nasty knot somewhere in Fai's abdomen. Speaking of Fai's abdomen… Fai resisted the urge to giggle as Kurogane's tongue brushed against the delicate, sensitive skin on his belly.

" That tickles, Kurogane." He whispered, grinning madly. Kurogane paused and seemed to consider, then continued kissing, working his way back up to Fai's chest where he eagerly attacked a pale, pert nipple. " Whoo." Fai exhaled slowly. He struggled to calm himself. If he climaxed here, it would be… well, anti-climatic. To distract himself from Kurogane's ministrations, Fai began to look for a way to return the favor. It suddenly occurred to him that the ninja was very much overdressed, and as it occurred to him, it annoyed him greatly. As a matter of fact, Fai couldn't remember ever being so agitated by anything. This situation needed to rectified immediately. To start with, Kurogane needed to sit up in order for Fai to get a good grip on the shirt. To get his message across, Fai arched his back in a serpentine way, working the arc up his spine from his hips to his chest in a very sensual movement that he knew accented his slim muscles. Sure enough, Kurogane sat up, and Fai was pleased by the look on his face as he watched Fai finish his arc.

" Damn." The ninja muttered. Fai grinned, and grabbed the hem of Kurogane's shirt, yanking it over his head in one swift movement. Fai then laid back, appeased for the moment, and admired the view.

" Damn." He repeated, pleased as Kurogane smiled coyly at him. The ninja leaned down and nibbled Fai's ear as Fai wrapped his arms around his back, pulling him close and enjoying the feeling of being incased in Kurogane's warm strength and comforting scent. He knew Kurogane was resting, trying to cool his own arousal just as he was, but it was delicious and safe here, wrapped up in the ninja's arms. Kurogane laced his fingers through Fai's hair, stroking and massaging, and Fai buried his face against Kurogane's shoulder.

" Maybe we should take this somewhere a little more private." Kurogane suggested. Fai cocked his head, surprised the idea hadn't occurred to him first. It was becoming increasingly difficult not to start grinding again.

" Yeah, good idea." He said. The two hurried up off the couch, and Kurogane grabbed Fai's hand and led him to the downstairs bedroom, where Fai was promptly hurled onto the bed. Kurogane clambered back on top of Fai, straddling his hips.

" Now, let's get to business, shall we?" Kurogane suggested huskily. Fai could only nod, and the ninja returned to the nipple, attacking it ruthlessly. Fai drew in deep, shaky breaths as Kurogane assumed total control and began to thrust against Fai's hips. Fai marveled at his ability to do both at the same time, but Kurogane had always been limber and good at multi-tasking. Fai was having trouble remembering to breathe. Suddenly, Kurogane began work down Fai's chest, and was forced to stop grinding due to the fact that his lips were moving down. The ninja's hands began to fumble with the clasp on Fai's pants, and it suddenly became obvious exactly where Kurogane was planning on taking his kisses. Fai felt his entire body go taut as Kurogane finally conquered the clasp and slipped his hands into Fai's boxers. Fai couldn't think of anything but the feeling of Kurogane's large, rough hands grasping his length firmly for a few moments, then Kurogane released him to work the pants all the way off. Then, finally, Fai understood what it was his body was so tense about. For a few moments, Fai was rendered utterly immobile and speechless as Kurogane slowly took his length into his mouth, sucking gently at first, then harder and harder, until it was all Fai could do not to buck his hips. The ninja's hands were not idle, either. They were massaging Fai's buttocks and thighs all the while. Fai's hands gripped the sheets of the bed desperately, knowing release was only moments away. His vision was clouding, and his breath was coming in ragged gasps.

" Kurogane…" he moaned suddenly, unable to stop himself from arching his back as his climax finally came. Kurogane waited a moment, then slowly clambered back up to Fai's eye level, embracing him and stroking his cheek.

" You're beautiful, Fai." He whispered. Fai had no answer. He could only lay there and gasp, still coming down from a mind-blowing orgasm. But he could manage a smile for Kurogane's benefit. " It's okay, love." Kurogane assured him, kissing his cheek comfortingly. The ninja seemed to realize that this was the moment when Fai would be most ill-at-ease. " Roll over, Fai." Kurogane suddenly prodded. Fai knew, even in his hazy mind, what was coming now, and he now knew that this was what he was afraid of. Nevertheless, he did roll over, helped gently by Kurogane, who kissed his neck and shoulders to comfort him as he grew more and more nervous. He realized he had begun to shiver. Kurogane bit his ear. " It's okay, everything's okay. Relax, love, just relax." Fai tried to obey. Kurogane massaged his shoulders for a moment, and then let one hand trail downward. Relax, Fai told himself firmly, relax. Then, one finger pushed in. Fai bit his lip and repeated his order to relax to himself. Then a second finger. For a moment Kurogane paused, and stroked Fai in that spot, allowing Fai a moment to relax. Fai found that this wasn't as bad as he'd been afraid. It was actually quite nice… Then a third finger. The first two had only felt a little intrusive, but the third almost hurt. Fai let out a little gasp, and Kurogane instantly fell to whispering to him to relax, reassuring him and comforting him. Kurogane kissed the spot in between Fai's shoulders. " I can't wait anymore, Fai." He whispered. Fai nodded.

" It's okay." He told the ninja, who wasted no time in positioning himself and making his first thrust. The first one was way off, but the second was closer, and third hit home. Fai gasped again as Kurogane shoved his own tip into Fai, then further and further. Kurogane surprised Fai with a moan as he pushed deeper and deeper. For a single instant, Fai could only think of the pain, and fought the urge to cry out. But that instant passed and was replaced by a feeling of completeness and of pleasure. Kurogane snaked his arms beneath Fai and pushed his hands over Fai's shoulders, gripping them and using them for an anchor as his thrusts grew quicker and quicker in rhythm. Fai found himself growing aroused again, approaching a second orgasm at an alarming rate as Kurogane's pace grew ever quicker. The two were soon gasping and panting in time as Fai learned to push his butt back against Kurogane's thrusts. Fai orgasmed first, crying out and climaxing against the sheets. He heard whimpers and realized that they were his own.

" It's okay, it's okay. Relax, love, relax. Just relax." Kurogane panted against his ear. Fai obediently took a deep breath as Kurogane thrust against him. " Oh, gods…" Kurogane half-moaned, half-panted, driving down harder than ever. He let out a slow, long breath as Fai felt a sudden sticky warmth within him.

A few hours later…

" Found another one." Fai announced, tracing a hard patch of skin on Kuro-rin's bare back.

" That was from my teacher." Fai was told, and couldn't help but smile at the almost prideful tone in his lover's voice.

" Some teacher." Fai huffed.

" That's how it is in my Nihon." Kuro-puu said simply. " I'll take you there sometime. You should meet Princess Tomoyo. I think you'd like her."

" Really? What makes you think that?" Fai asked, rolling onto his side and watching Kuro-chan's face as he laid on his stomach, head resting on his arms. Kuro-pi turned his head to return Fai's smiling gaze.

" You both have me eating from the palm of your hands." The ninja said honestly.

" Oh, I'm not sure if I can share you." Fai said, pouting.

" Hmph. That's not what I meant and you know it." Kuro-woof muttered.

" Kuro-puu?" Fai asked.

" Enough with the stupid nicknames!"

" When we were having sex, you called me love." Fai said.

" What's your point?" the ninja grunted, closing his eyes.

" What did you mean by that?" Fai asked, feeling the heat of a blush rising in his cheeks.

" When have not meant exactly what I said?" Kurogane said, smiling at Fai's blush.

" I… I…" Fai stuttered, suddenly without words.

" It's okay, Fai, I don't expect anything from you right now." Kurogane said, watching Fai struggle. " To be honest, I'm sorry we did that. Well, not sorry. It was a lot of fun. But I wish we'd waited. I don't think you were ready for it, were you?"

" I don't know." Fai admitted.

" You looked so scared. I should have backed off you then, but I didn't. Sorry about that." Kurogane said, looking truly regretful.

" I wasn't really scared. Not of you." Fai protested.

" I know. But something happened to you, before we met, didn't it? You said you'd tell me sometime, and it doesn't have to be right now, but sometime, you know? I'd like to know, so I could know how to help you." Kurogane said slowly. " You don't have to be sad all the time, love. You can really smile sometimes. And you can talk about it. And for gods' sake, don't smile that fake smile so much. It's so annoying, because your eyes are so expressive it doesn't matter what your mouth is doing, your eyes say what you're feeling."

" I want to tell you, but…" Fai couldn't finish the sentence.

" It's fine. Whenever you're ready is fine." Kurogane said, smiling. " See, that's what I mean. Your mouth is frowning and you can't say it yet, but your eyes are telling me everything I want to hear." Fai smiled. " Now that's a smile." Kurogane noted. Kuro-rin then rolled on his side and opened his arms to Fai, who crawled close and snuggled against his body, relishing in the warmth and safety.

" I feel safe with you." Fai whispered.

" You are safe with me." Kuro-chan responded guffly. Fai sighed sadly, wondering if he ever would be totally safe. " From everything." Kurogane added, almost like he'd read Fai's thoughts.

" Goodnight, Kurogane." Fai said, smiling into the ninja's chest.

" Night, you little idiot. Sweet dreams."

Ah, that was good to get out of my system. So, wanna a second dose? Review. I will not post the sequel unless I get reviews! Mwahahaha! Seriously, folks, help me out here. This is like telling a blind woman to find a needle the world's biggest friggin' haystack. Anyway, arigato for reading! Hope you enjoyed it!


	2. Difficulties

Deep, Dark Water

By: Rogue Fox

Chapter 2: Difficulties

A/N: Hey, I got enough reviews and so, here's the sequel. Thank you for being so supportive. Same rules apply; I don't own Tsubasa, this does contain shonen-ai and yaoi and very mature content. I also kind of had to include my own personal version of what happened between Ashura and Fai... I didn't want to but you'll see how I kind of had to. If you don't agree, fair enough, tell me your side... I'm always interested in hearing new theories. Also, some people noted that Kurogane was a little out of character, and I tried to explain him a bit more in this one. Sorry about that. You know how it is, it just comes out that way. Anyway, read and please review and if you do, I might write another...

Kurogane had known from the beginning it was going to be difficult.

He had known from the moment Princess Tomoyo sent him to that crazy witch, from the moment that the boy had explained his own princess's predicament, and from the moment he had first encountered Fai. Kurogane had been entirely aware that it was not going to be easy to get home, help the boy on the way and not get killed in the process, and still deal with that idiotic wizard. But, Kurogane had figured that it wouldn't be all that bad. He was, after all, a man who enjoyed a challenge. It was just a matter of time before they landed in his own world, and the boy and the princess were both good, nice kids that would obviously grow into good, strong, honest, honorable adults so it wasn't a huge bother to help them, and Fai… Well. In the beginning, Fai was the only challenge that Kurogane secretly thought might be too much for him.

Gods above, there were moments when Kurogane was sure he was going to kill that mage, no matter what the price! And then… he would see that unbearable look, the one that made him angrier than everything else, the one that was like looking at one of those dolls Princess Tomoyo had had as a girl. Those dolls, with their flawless, beautiful faces, their perfect little lips puckered into a perfect, coy little grin, but the eyes… The eyes were always inexplicably sad, always looking like they might cry at any moment. Kurogane was a great lover of beauty. The dolls had been beautiful, just as Princess Tomoyo had. And he could never bear the look of sadness in the dolls' eyes, just as he'd never been able to bear any sadness in Princess Tomoyo's eyes. Something so beautiful, Kurogane thought angrily, should never be so sad. Fai was beautiful. Even when Kurogane had been trying to get a clear killing shot at him, he had never been able to deny the fact that Fai was beautiful in a way that he had never encountered beauty before. Light and thin and frail… Broken, actually. Fai reminded him of the time that Princess Tomoyo, a child at the time (Kurogane had been a teenager), dropped one of those dolls, and the thing had shattered, and the piece of painted porcelain with the sad eyes stuck to the head, leaving just the eyes framed by the empty space of its shattered head. Kurogane had never been able shake that image, and every time Fai got that sad look, it reminded him of the shattered doll. Fai was, to Kurogane, a broken doll. Someone's broken doll. Ashura's broken doll. Kurogane didn't know who Ashura was, but sometimes Fai mumbled in his sleeps… Sometimes he moaned. Sometimes he cried, and those were the worst times. He looked so pained, so sad, but so beautiful. Something so beautiful should never be so sad. The name Ashura was a name Fai spoke in many tones in the depths of his dreams, when he thought he was alone. Sometimes it was sad, sometimes angry, sometimes vengeful, sometimes calm, sometimes joyful, sometimes… sometimes, erotic and pleasure-filled. That was the worst. Kurogane hated that the most. He didn't know if this Ashura still lived, but if he did, then there would come a day when Kurogane would kill him, and Kurogane knew this, and relished in it, and did not care that he would pay with his strength. For Fai, to see Fai smile without that hint of fear in his features, that hint of sadness, it was a fair price.

Kurogane had never been much for gambling, and he knew that with Fai, everything he would ever do would be a gamble. Every smile and every glare he gave Fai was part of a nonstop game of chance. It had taken some time for Kurogane, headstrong warrior that he was, to realize what made Fai so different from every other waif of a fool he'd ever met. Another fool who was too stupid to fight back would not have been able to count of Kurogane's aid. Anyone too stupid to fight against those who would kill them deserved what they got. But Fai was different, and Kurogane had understood this on some level from the get-go. Although he most certainly was a waif, immature, silly, inappropriate, and the worst drunk Kurogane had ever encountered, Fai was no fool. He was quite smart, and quite good at covering it up by appearing like he was guessing the answers by chance. Kurogane knew that had Fai's circumstances been different, Kurogane probably would have liked him a great deal from the start. So much that he probably wouldn't have treated the wizard any different. But Fai lied. No, Fai acted. It couldn't be a lie when Fai was only pretending. He never blatantly lied, but he did pretend things away. At first, it seemed too much like lying. At first, Kurogane hadn't liked it at all. At first, Kurogane hadn't liked Fai at all. And so, Kurogane had reacted the only way he'd known how to react to such a strange situation; violently. He was a gruff man by nature, added to years of battle to make a very aggressive and rough personality. If someone annoyed Kurogane, that someone typically wound up dead, one way or another. The manju bun did not count. Fai was the only one that didn't. At first, Kurogane hadn't been able to understand why. Why couldn't he make himself kill the mage? What was so difficult about killing a single, scrawny man who wouldn't even fight back, who practically let him? At first, Kurogane told himself it was because Fai wouldn't fight back that he was still alive. There was no fun in it if the wizard wouldn't fight back, Kurogane told himself. And then, everything came crashing down around Kurogane when one day, he turned around and saw Fai smiling at him. That in itself was not unusual; Fai was always smiling. But this smile was a real smile, a true, honest smile that told of true, honest joy. Kurogane was filled with a warmth he hadn't known since he was a boy and Princess Tomoyo was a baby cooing and tumbling about. He caught a glimpse of the real Fai and for the first time, Kurogane wanted to make someone else smile. For the first time, Kurogane wanted to protect someone (other than Princess Tomoyo, naturally) not out of duty, but out of the pure desire to make him feel safe enough to be himself. Kurogane wanted Fai to feel safe enough to smile, to laugh, to cry, to do whatever he wanted or needed to. Fai was the first Kurogane had wanted to comfort. But Fai was the first in a lot of ways. He was the first to tease Kurogane and live to do it again, and again, and again. He was the first to stand against Kurogane's rage and not so much as bat an eye. He was the first that Kurogane had ever wanted to touch. He was the first that Kurogane had actually made love with. There had been others, girls mostly, a few men, flurries of sexual pleasure and no more. Most, Kurogane had never even seen again. Fai was the first that it had actually meant something with. When Kurogane touched Fai, it meant something, it was a promise between them, and Kurogane never broke his promises.

Everything that had grown, unspoken, between them came bursting out one afternoon in some world whose name Kurogane couldn't remember when Fai had seemed strangely out of touch with his surroundings. Kurogane had only newly come to his conclusion that Fai was not just some idiot that would eventually die as soon as that curse was lifted. Fai was something that no one else had ever been, and something that Kurogane was pretty sure no one else would ever be. He understood that though Fai very much enjoyed being roughly handled, the mage still needed to be comforted. He still needed soft whispers and soothing petting and gentle caresses. Kurogane was more than happy to give Fai what he needed to feel most safe, even if it was a little outside of his normal behavior. For Fai, nothing was too difficult. But all the same...

Kurogane had known it wouldn't be easy.

" Shh… It's okay, love, everything's alright…" Kurogane whispered, soothing the blonde wizard as he sobbed like a man tormented into Kurogane's chest. Fai hiccupped and sobbed more, pushing his perfect little nose against Kurogane's chest, rubbing his cheek against the bare skin. Even with tears on his cheeks, nose running, and hair disheveled, Fai managed to be more beautiful than all the stars in the sky and the moon and the sun put together to Kurogane. Heartbroken, sorrowful, frightened of something Kurogane couldn't see, but still beautiful. " Tell me what's wrong, Fai."

" Ashura…" Fai whispered, and just saying the name sent him into convulses of terror. Damn the bastard, Kurogane thought angrily, who would hurt Fai so badly. Damn him to hell a thousand times over.

Fai often woke from nightmares, screaming and wailing and crying, moaning names that Kurogane couldn't understand. The only one that occurred with any regularity was Ashura, and Kurogane hated him. Chi came often as well, but that was spoken softly, in comforted tones, in a soft, mildly reassured voice. Chi was a friend, as far as Kurogane could tell, and so he had no quarrel with Chi. There were other names, but Kurogane couldn't understand, and had never dared to ask. It pained him greatly to watch Fai struggle so desperately with his memories, he couldn't bring himself to ask questions, to prod Fai into explaining. But now, Fai had said the name Ashura, awake and mostly aware, and Kurogane took that as a sign that Fai was ready to talk.

" Who is Ashura?" Kurogane asked, and Fai shuddered violently. " Breathe, love, it's okay, it's just me. Breathe." Fai took a few shaky breaths.

" He is… my king… Ashura is the king of Seresu." Fai was finally able to say. Kurogane rejoiced that Fai was beginning to open up, he'd waited so long for this. Is, Kurogane thought, so he lives yet, a living man is much easier to slay than a dead one.

" Why should you fear your king? Did you break a law?" Kurogane asked gently, knowing he had to be way off base. Fai liked rules. Fai was always the first to ask the rules of the game, and always the last to break them. Even Kurogane, steadfast honest samurai, would break the rules before Fai.

" No… At least, I don't think it was a law…" Fai said, seeming to draw comfort by analyzing that side note. " I fought the king and I won." Fai said finally.

" Why didn't you kill him?" Kurogane asked.

" Who's to say I didn't?" Fai was gaining more and more of his footing back, throwing his guard back up, and this time, Kurogane was determine to tear it down. He knew he was gambling with really high stakes right then. If he pushed too hard, he might lose what little of Fai's trust and confidence he had, but on the other hand, this wall between them couldn't be allowed to continue.

" You said that Ashura _is_ your king. As in, he is your king right now, which he couldn't be if he was dead." Kurogane said.

" You are very observant, Kuro-pin." Fai said, slapping that grin on his face.

" Stop it. Don't you dare try to laugh it off or pretend it away." Kurogane growled. " Not with me. I won't let you lie to yourself, or to me, because you mean too much to me, this means too much to me. If there's one thing I ask you to be, it's honest, and besides, you said you'd tell me someday." There was a long moment in which Fai pressed his face to Kurogane's chest and stayed there.

" He was good at what he did. Ashura, I mean. He'd find a mage, a young one, one with potential, and have their master or family killed. He'd come to them then, when they were vulnerable and off guard and angry. Offer them revenge. Offer them a chance to make sure that what happened to them wouldn't happen to anyone else. And the mage would never know… He'd break you down slowly, make all the decisions for you, tell you not to worry, don't worry about it, he'd take care of it. Just concentrate on your magic. But then, he'd start to control that too, but by then it feels so natural that you don't even notice. Then he'd start to tell you about how he dreamed of making Seresu one country, one big country. It would eliminate war and marauding and raids, the things that had killed our families and masters, or so we thought. It made so much sense… Gods, I was trained, more that the others, and I didn't even notice what he was doing to me, that he was slowly eroding my will and replacing it with… Nothing. I was his favorite. I never had much will to begin with, so it was easy to take me over completely. It gets hazy after that, because then he began to use outright mind-control magic on us, making us do things we'd never do otherwise… I remember little things, watching while things happened, and not doing anything." Fai looked up at Kurogane, eyes filling with tears. " I watched him do it, I watched him tear a woman limb from limb with his magic, and he just smiled the whole time and I did nothing. I just stood there. I couldn't move. I was gone, there was this… mindless zombie in my place. Chi was the one who… the one who was strong, she gained her will back and broke away. The others began to break off too, but I couldn't… I'd hear them telling me. I knew what they were saying, and somewhere far off, I, the real me not the zombie, knew they were right. That he was a murderer, a tyrant, a mind controller. But his voice was always in my head and he'd always say 'Fai, my pet, my favorite, you won't leave me, will you? You'll stay by my side…' and I could never make myself go. I didn't have the will… and then one day… I woke up. I just woke up and I was standing there with that goddamn staff he gave me and the bodies… Gods the bodies… Countless… there were so many, you couldn't see the ground for miles and I was all alone, the only thing alive for miles… I did that, I massacred them, I killed them all, every last one. I broke away, I ran and I hid, and I joined the rebellion with the other mages, with Chi, and they said I could beat Ashura, that I was the strongest, and I was the favorite and the favorite should kill the King. So I went and Chi came with me, Chi and three others. Ashura didn't die, he reached into my head again, and when I woke back up, Chi was dead… I killed Chi… Sweet, pretty little Chi… I ran away again. He made me kill so many, he made me kill Chi, my sweet little friend, and I couldn't bear any more, so I went to the hag and paid her with gold and alcohol and she made the marks on my back so my power was restrained and I'd never kill anyone ever again and I was glad… I used to lose control all the time when I was kid, I'd just lose my temper and my mother had to send me away cause I was too dangerous. Then I went back to Ashura, alone, and this time he didn't get into my head. But I couldn't kill him so I sealed him away. Now he sleeps in the bottom of the pool in the room and I was so lonely, no one came to the castle and I couldn't make myself leave. So I made a little thing and called it Chi, she was just like the old Chi, but she was artificial, she had no real will, and her will was what made the first Chi so exceptional. I loved my new Chi, but she wasn't the old Chi… The old Chi was dead, and so were most of the others. The people made me king, they said the throne was mine by right of victory, but I didn't want it, gods, I didn't want it… And Ashura would wake up… Someday, he would… I've always had a longevity problem with my spells, they never last as long as I want them to. So I left. I made it so my Chi would tell me if he ever woke up, but she hasn't yet, thank the gods, but I'm always afraid she will… I still hear him. I still hear him, and it doesn't help to know that he's still alive, that it's possible he really could be whispering to me in my dreams… But I still don't want to kill him… I can't kill him…"

Fai broke down into sobs and Kurogane sat, totally dumbstruck. He remembered how he once told Fai that if he'd ever attacked, the wizard would have run like a frightened rabbit until cornered, and then just smile blindly and wait for death to come. That was exactly what Fai had been doing. He had been running, and if Ashura ever caught up, Fai would just smile and wait for his death… or worse yet, his return to his mindless existence as a slave. There was no question now. Ashura, king or no king, would die and that was final. A bit of his strength in return for Fai's closure and safety was nothing. A fair price. It seemed that the world was completely comprised of fair prices anymore, but this price Kurogane had no quarrel with. But this whispering, this haunting Fai spoke of, Kurogane was at a loss for it. How could he possibly protect Fai from his tormenter if the tormenter only attacked in dreams? This was magic, and it was beyond Kurogane's frame of reference. Perhaps the witch… Kurogane shoved the thought away. It was useless now, with Fai sobbing like death itself hovered over him and clinging to Kurogane. Kurogane wasn't going anywhere for a long while, and that was fine. He'd talk to the manju bun tomorrow, and hopefully get an audience with the witch to ask her advice. Fai would never ask for help himself, that man was convinced that he could handle everything, and if he couldn't, then it was his just payment for his actions. Kurogane couldn't understand how Fai had done anything worthy of punishment… from what he could see, Fai had been the victim of circumstance and a pawn of higher powers that had found the strength to fight back. Kurogane felt a sense of pride well within him, that his lover was a man strong enough to fight a king and win.

It was a few hours before Kurogane managed to soothe Fai into a shuddering but deep sleep. The blonde man slept like the dead that night, and Kurogane silently thanked whatever gods graced this world for that small bit of relief from suffering. He wished his little lover the deepest, most dreamless sleep and wished that he would wake in the morning with the rising sun making his hair glow like a halo with a real smile on his face and that fresh, happy voice that always managed to make Kurogane smile, if only inwardly. He wished for Fai's happiness, and that it would come to him soon. He wished for Fai's safety, and that he would have the strength necessary to do what he must to protect his love. And he wished, selfishly, for Fai to always stay beside him, no matter what the price. And then, Kurogane finally understood the depth of what Syaoran-kun had done that day at the witch's shop, and Kurogane respected him deeply for it. He wondered, if it were him and not the kid, Fai and not the princess, would he have paid the same price? The answer came almost instantly; yes, without a doubt, without a second's hesitation. Any price was fine, as long as Fai was safe and happy, everything else was disposable. A new relationship could be built, as it was slowly being built between the kid and the princess, slowly, carefully, and gently. New, happy memories could be made, as the two young ones were doing. As long as there is life, there is hope, Princess Tomoyo had told Kurogane so. As long as the one he loved, the one that was most precious to him, lived, then there was hope. And with those contented thoughts drifting through his head, Kurogane drifted off into a happy sleep.

He woke when the sun was well in the sky, poking insistently in his eyes. Kurogane thought that the sun was quite inconsiderate and rude. Oh, wait, since when does the sun poke you…?

" Kurogane! Fai says it's time to waaaaaaaaaake uuuuuuuuup!" something yelled in his face. Kurogane sat up and snatched the white bun on his chest and held it close to his leering face.

" I'm seeing a vat of boiling oil with you slowly being lowered in, how about you, manju bun?" he growled.

" Mokona only sees a very angry Kurogane!" the white ball said perkily. Kurogane hurled it across the room.

" Go away!" he yelled, flopping back down and covering his head with a pillow.

" Mokona is going to tell Fai!" the white fluff ball yelled.

" Fine, fine, whatever, just go away!" Kurogane moaned, pleased when he heard the ball leave the room. Then he remembered his resolve to get the thing to contact the witch for him. " Ah, damn." He muttered, rolling out of bed and stumbling into the main part of the house they were staying in (some old lady's summer home, they accidentally did her son some favor and she let them use the house in return) in only a pair of pants. There, he was greeted by the most pleasing sight he'd ever encountered. Fai's round little ass. The mage was leaning over a table reading something, leaving his perfect little rear just practically begging Kurogane to come grind against it. He paused to consider his surroundings, and decided that there were no innocent children or not-so-innocent manju buns in the immediate area. That confirmed, he silently approached Fai and grabbed the mage by the hips, thrusting his hardening member against him.

" Oh! Oh…" Fai was at first shocked, then pleased, tossing his head over his shoulder to give Kurogane a pretty, pleased smile. Kurogane smiled back and then leaned over the mage, rubbing his chest and intensifying his own grinding. " I was going to ask you what you were… ohhhh… in the mood for, but I guess you've made that clear…" Fai moaned, pushing back seductively against Kurogane's thrusts. " Shall we go to the bedroom?"

" No, right here, right now." Kurogane muttered, snaking his hands around and shoving his hand down Fai's pants, gripping the long, hard length that waited there, roughly jerking it while Fai gasped. It took him a minute to figure how to get the pants down enough to shove a finger from his free hand into Fai's entrance, relishing in the pleased whimpers as he stroked and stretched, then pushing a second in. His own member was throbbing painfully by now and he knew just by the pace of Fai's breath that his rough jerking was leading the wizard quickly to climax. He decided that two would have to be enough and removed them, thrusting as hard as he could to enter into Fai's inviting, warm body. Fai moaned loudly, just as he always did at the first moment of entrance, and Kurogane thrust again, shoving deeper into him. He kept repeating this action until he finally hit that sweet spot, that bundle of nerves that always sent Fai reeling over the edge. And it did, just as always, and Fai climaxed into Kurogane's hand with a practical scream and gasp for breath. Now Kurogane felt free to pursue his own pleasure, which was mounting now that Fai was more in control of his body, remembering to bear down and tighten the pressure around Kurogane's length. Kurogane was now thrusting madly, stroking Fai from within and relishing in the feeling of being encased within Fai's warm body. His climax came suddenly, and he groaned with it as colors exploded in front of his eyes and the world swayed a little. And yet, he felt safe and warm within Fai, so he stayed there, pressing his face against the wizard's shoulder.

" I love you, Kurogane." The words came quietly, but it was as though alarm bells had gone off and sirens had screamed and a whole crowd of monsters had roared in triumph, and something inside Kurogane roared in triumph as well. Those three little words that Fai'd never been able to say before, and the just suddenly came, those three little words that Kurogane had longed to hear, longing to know that the object of his love loved him in return. And now, Kurogane felt, his world was complete. Well, almost.

" I love you too." Kurogane said.

" I know you do. I'm sorry it took me so long. I'm going to get over it, somehow, and maybe then I'll stop hearing his voice." Fai confessed. Kurogane sighed happily, shifting just slightly within Fai.

" Doesn't matter, not important. The past is the past, no matter what happened. No matter how long it took you, you still got there, and that's the important thing." Kurogane said. " And if he comes for you, I'll kill him, simple as that."

" He's strong." Fai said quietly.

" Good. The stronger the better." Kurogane shrugged. " What I'm saying is, he's in the past, it's all in the past, and it's right here and right now that's the important thing. Got it?"

" Got it." Fai giggled a little in agreement. " Um, Kurogane, the kids are going to be back any moment, so…" Kurogane sighed, and pulled out of Fai reluctantly.

" Let's go take a bath." He said, starting off in that direction.

" I wanna go first!" Fai cried, racing ahead. Kurogane grabbed his arm as he tried to pass him.

" Together, you idiot. You think I'm done with you?" he growled.

" Ooh, Kuro-sama, are you gonna play rough?" Fai asked, turning and letting his hand drift down to stroke Kurogane in that area that was rapidly becoming hard again.

" You want me to play rough?" he asked huskily, drawing the mage close.

" You know I like it when you do." Came the response.

And so ensued another rough and wild bout of love-making in the bath tub. And then another later when the kids went out for a walk with Mokona. And another later that night. Kurogane couldn't get enough of Fai, and he knew he never would. But that was okay. He actually kind of liked the idiotic mage, so it was okay.


End file.
